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The Atheist Tabernacle Choir

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The Atheist Tabernacle Choir is a 1986 song written by Ian Hislop and Nick Newman. The song is rendition of what a gospel group whose songs had no basis in religion would sound like. It was released as a B-side to the 1986 Christmas single "Santa Claus Is On The Dole", which adds to the ironic humour of the song as Christmas is a religious holiday.



Spitting Image - Athiest Choir02:00

Spitting Image - Athiest Choir

Spitting Image - The Athiest Tabernacle Choir





Lyrics Edit

If you don't believe in God... clap your hands

If you don't trust the Lord then... clap your hands

If you reject the possibility of a diety then... clap your hands

And join the Atheist Tabernacle Choir


We're not gonna cross that... Jordan River

It don't even exist, that... Jordan River

To be honest it's an outmoded religious metaphor, that... Jordan River

Yes, we're the Atheist Tabernacle Choir


Sing six feet deep... that's where I'm going

Six feet deep... no afterliving

Six feet deep... yup, it's depressing


We're not gonna reach the... Promised Land

There's no such thing as that... Promised Land

It's a cynical notion dreamed up by priests in collaboration with landed interests in order to subjugate the masses that... Promised Land

Let's sing for Atheist Tabernacle Choir


Sing: i n a wooden box... that's where I'm heading

A wooden box... forever dead in-

A wooden box... no resurrecting

A wooden box... yep, it's depressing


If you believe in nothing... sing out loud

If you think it's all cobblers... sing out loud

If you find the whole idea of personal freedom is circumscribed by the seemingly arbitrary activities of a supreme being, then... sing out loud

And join the Atheist Tabernacle Choir Yes folks, we're the Atheist Tabernacle Choir - the only choir that asks

Why - do Christians get to sing all the best music?

Why - can't non-believers sing gospel?

And Why - can't existentialists bang a tambourine?

So if you've no hope in your heart, but a song on your lips and the only soul you believe in is James Brown, then come on forward, and . . . join the Church of England

or the Atheist Tabernacle Choir.

Not Hallelujah!

Don't praise the Lord

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